


blue-raspberry popsicles and the infinite universe

by Creatortan



Category: South Park
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Gender Identity, Genderfluid Wendy Testaburger, Introspection, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Kenny McCormick, Talking, hints of stenny if you want to read it that way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 12:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creatortan/pseuds/Creatortan
Summary: "Kenny liked watching the sky, some days. He mentioned something about feeling small, a speck in the void. Stan found the sentiment bleak; Kenny found it comforting. Ken said he also liked to make shapes out of the clouds. Stan prefered to watch Kenny, anyways."Stan and Kenny lay side by side on the grass, eating popsicles, watching the clouds, talking about bowls and other confusing metaphors.





	blue-raspberry popsicles and the infinite universe

**Author's Note:**

> p much a vent fic lol, I realized I project heavily onto kenny, and I thought this could be a good way to kind of explain some personal thoughts?

Kenny liked watching the sky, some days. He mentioned something about feeling small, a speck in the void. Stan found the sentiment bleak; Kenny found it comforting. Ken said he also liked to make shapes out of the clouds. Stan preferred to watch Kenny, anyways.

Today was one of those days, where Kenny watched the sky and Stan watched Kenny. Stan thought he was being sneaky, but Ken always felt those big gray eyes on him. Today, they were troubled, deep like a storm over the sea. Ken felt those eyes flicker over his face, nervously. Ken bit the tip of his popsicle off. 

“Something on your mind, Stan?”

Stan spluttered, his face turning red. Ken turned his head to face him, grass tickling his ear. Stan’s popsicle dripped down his knuckles. Ken waited until Stan calmed down, gathering his thoughts. Ken didn’t mind waiting for Stan. 

“I, uh...I was just thinking,” Stan started, unable to meet Kenny’s eyes, “About when we were kids.” 

Stan’s brow furrowed. Sometimes he fumbled with what he meant to say, when he was confused about something. Ken didn’t mind. Kenny let Stan sort through his words without interrupting him, or trying to put any in his mouth for him.

 “And I mean, I was talking to Wendy—or Wendyl, I, uh, don’t know what day it is today…” A drop of Stan’s popsicle rolled off of his hand onto the grass. “But, it just got me thinking...why did you want to dress up as a girl when we were kids, Kenny?”

 Kenny looked back up at the sky, his popsicle halfway out of his mouth. He shrugged.

 “Wanted to, I guess.”

 Stan made a sound.

 “It’s just that...well, Wendy was telling me about, like, gender and stuff?” Stan said, “Well, it’s like...uh...she told me that sometimes, she feels like a tray of water, and on one side it’s ‘boy’ and on the other it’s ‘girl’, and some days, the tray is more tilted to one side. I was just wondering if you were like that.”

 Kenny bit another piece of popsicle. It was blue-raspberry. He let it melt on his tongue while he mulled over Stan’s question.

 “I don’t think I’m really like that,” Kenny said, “But I’m sort of like that, I guess.” Kenny looked up at the clouds; they were sparse, today, wispy. “If Wendy is a tray, I guess I’m more like a bowl.”

 Stan didn’t say anything. His big gray eyes were on Kenny again.

“Like...I guess I just don’t care. People look at me and they see a boy. I’m okay with that,” Kenny bit off the last part of his popsicle. He stuffed it in his cheek. “But I’m also okay if they look at me and see a girl. I don’t care what they call me. Pronouns, and stuff, I don’t really have a preference.”

 “Why did you want to dress up like a girl when we were kids, then?”

 “Well, I wanted to try it out.” Ken crushed the half-melted popsicle with his teeth. “I thought I’d like being seen as a girl, and no one was gonna treat me like that unless I did something different. I was just Kenny. But Princess Kenny was different. It was nice.”

 “Wendy said she realized she liked being a boy sometimes when she played a guy when we were kids.”

 “Yeah,” Ken said, “But for me it was just...I didn’t have a preference, at the end of the day.” Kenny bent his popsicle stick in his hands, raising his arms above his head, watching as the cheap wood started to splinter. “It was a cool novelty, ‘cause no one called me a girl, but it wasn’t like I felt particularly connected to _being_ a girl, I guess?”

 “So you’re nothing?”

 The popsicle stick snapped.

 “Nah, it’s more like I’m...both at once? I don’t know, I’m just Kenny.”

Stan hummed. Kenny could practically hear the gears turning in his head.

“But didn’t you date that kid Bradley last year?” Stan asked, “He’s gay right? Is it, like...okay for you to date him even if you’re not, like, a guy?”

Kenny dropped his popsicle stick onto the grass.

“Well, what I am inside doesn’t really affect anyone else,” Kenny said, sounding thoughtful, “The world sees me as a guy, so I’m gonna interact with the world as a guy. Bradley was dating a guy; he saw a guy, interacted with me as a guy—if he was only talking to the guy _parts_ of me, he didn’t know. It didn’t change anything. It’s not like I was gonna one day decide to switch it up like Wendy does. So, it doesn’t really matter, I guess.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” Stan asked, “People only see part of you. Or...they’re putting you into this narrow binary definition.” (Stan sounded like he was parroting the last part—those words sounded too Wendy to really be Stan’s. But that happened sometimes.)

“Like I said, I don’t really care. Other people can tell me what color they see my bowl as, but they’re never gonna know what’s _in_ the bowl, you know?” Kenny shrugged.

“So...on the inside, you’re just...whatever you are, but on the outside, you’re a guy?”

“Close. On the inside, I’m just me, but on the outside, people look at me and tell me I’m a guy. I don’t mind being a guy, so I roll with it. If someone wants to call me anything else, I’m okay with that too.”

Stan hummed again.

“This is confusing.”

Kenny laughed.

“I know it is, Stan, but you don’t _have_ to get it—you’re never gonna see what’s in my bowl.”

“Huh…” Stan mumbled, “So, if you had to label yourself, what would you say?”

“Nonbinary guy, to anyone who knows what that means,” Kenny replied, “Just ‘guy’ to anyone else.”

“Oh.”

Stan had that look in his eyes, again, as if Kenny had just showed him some kind of great truth of the universe. It made Kenny look back up at the sky, to feel tiny again, to ground himself. It was probably dangerous to get caught up in Stan’s stormy-gray eyes. Probably.


End file.
